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Frustrating years of knowledge in unrelenting stupidity

It's like wasted years of the shanghaied

To witness years of bad cycles

Human folly would be the norm over the exception of wisdom

To suffer unbelievable cruelty of the mind

My only task was not to translate this into my actions

To me ,it was a horrendous job

      A good friend asked me after reading some of my rantings. Why do I some times switch suddenly from the first person ,to the third person? I guess because I have confusion whether it's the worlds madness ,inflicted on me, or it's mine reflected to the world. Which probably doesn't clear things up, but maybe illustrate the ambiguity of personal responsibility verses the worlds. I called these verses rantings ,because I obviously don't know poetic form. Maybe some day I'll have the time and patience to smooth out my rough edges.

     Like a lot of today's peoples, I have a short attention span. So I tend to cater toward getting the message in a few lines

LAST UPDATED

February 05, 2010 07:17

Sleepless nights

The computer screen burns hard into the eyes

Hard seems to be the theme of this mind imprisonment

Am I doing hard time in proxy?

I can't seem to master this domain

Of course if I don't get to sleep I'll be a rough bitch in the morning

At the risk of sounding self righteous

I don't want to enable bad behaviour

I don't want to reward bad treatment

I would help you with a hand up or encouragement

I've been the recipient of such help many times.

So I do know what it's like

Look ,if I'm misinterpreting your bizarre and intrusive messaging

Try hard copy, or yourself as a personal representation

I don't have a lot to go on

If you jumped of a cliff, should I ensue?

If you left me alone about it,

I wouldn't be sounding off like a self righteous son of a bitch

No matter how much you torture me with sleep deprivation

You won't force any actions out of me

Your just plain disgusting and what you want is demeaning to me or any other participant

Your hell bent on degrading me as if I'm some kind of a challenge

I think your jealous of me and my free wheeling ways

I have a clear conscious and that bothers you

Complicated thought processes

What do I have to regret?

I can't go back in time

Should have I shown the sign?

I bet she didn't even look to miss it

Should have I taken that chance?

One less failure to chalk up

Should have I fought harder to right that wrong?

Maybe it wasn't such a wrong to need to right

You know ,I think I'm going Buddhist

I guess that better than being a convict

What I really resent is being turned off and hid in the corner like a decommissioned robot

And they wonder why I revolt

They think I'm a rogue

I think I'm me

So you want me to go for the girl

Why do you have to make such a flake out of me?

Why aren't I allowed to stand on my two feet and use some of my stuff?

Why do I have to be franchised to use your guile?.

Why does it have to be your way or the highway?

You won't get near enough to feel the warmth of forgiveness

I still don't trust you

You don't want to reconcile with me

You want to avenge me

Your still sore about my rejection of your agenda

You seem to think you know my nature

You seem to think you have it figured out

I see through your lies in my ear

You can't tempt me into any thing

It not that I'm not corruptible

But I was always on to you

And you attempts to move me is a mind numbing bore

I don't think she has any use for a live one

I think she wants to scare ,kill, and cook one

It's not that I mind being alone

But I don't want to be stuck alone with her

She does her best to isolate me

I think she wants me to stew in my juices with drug dependencies

Dare I say she doesn't want to best for me

I don't want to sound desperate, but I don't want to co habituate her desperation

She's a force of nature and she messes with mine

She can cause attraction and repulsion in one sentence

She seems to be quick like a demon ,if you get my drift

I compensate for the misery she causes me by being witty

I must confess that I don't like her interference in my life at all

But the worlds a stage and as she manipulates my chances for social acceptance

I must put on a brave face, because it seems to be what the audience wants

Sweet hosts

These are all very fine women

I suppose if I was a con artist I'd be trying to take advantage

Not that these these women aren't able to to take care of them selves

I guess I'd look like a real cad trying. LOL

It's a stand off

I won't go under your roof and have to be subject to your conditions

You won't come here because I'm a lose canon you can't control

I suspect this will go on for a long time as long as you enable her

She calls for only one reason

She wants to spin a web

To entrap me and unsuspecting sweet host

She wants to channel through this host a nasty message

She wants implied that I'm a small man

And man does she want that to hurt!

I'd be willing to go on this date of fate

If I was allowed to stand on my two feet while she administers the punishment

But she's such a control freak ,she wants me totally under her spell

She won't proceed till I'm emotionally setup for her spell with the help of drunkenness

So she waits hoping for me to get desperate  I guess

I'm truly under siege

Your stance is Goddess

Your talk is like Tokyo Rose

You prophesies like a demon

I hope there isn't a man behind all that talent

I want to wish every one a Merry Christmas

Despite all the paranoia and underling suspicions

I guess these's are uneasy times with international threats in the news

I guess that fact makes it all the more important to get along with neighbors

  I don't want my mind interfaced with ,I presume a drug addicts'

I'm spaced out as it is.

It makes life harder with this soul sucking influence

It's forever ,forever tunes playing on the radio

Non stop self loathing ,and pity

I want the chance to reward myself for my perseverance

Road Kill again?

It seems like every time I get optimistic

And I dare raise my head in this preverbal no-mans land

I get lambasted by you

Don't you get it

I'm the designated dirty dog

All I got to do is stay sober

And pretend this sham is not happening

No doubt I'll be punished for my balking the ball

Why do you bluff?

You play the temptress, but your bluffing

Are you testing your powers?

I publicly call your posture from time to time

It's like baying at the moon, isn't it?

Beware of the overlooked

Never know what the hidden mole will bring

Just what are they feeding us, and what are the consequences?

Should I watch the news to-night or should I scan the internet for hidden meaning?

I probably should firewall my mental health instead

Its not that I want to be ignorant, but if I'm being poisoned buy misinformation

Would a dose of the truth be easier to ingest?

Not sure if I can find the truth, but I can tell the smell of BS

Wouldn't it be nice if I was at least ten years younger

It would be wonderful if had made my fortune

Any ways what ifs are what I have to offer

I won't say never ,but its a long shot I'm a bit short of

Obviously we don't meet at the minds

That's why the idea of a mind melt between us seems like an absurd idea to me

I suspect there would be a nuclear explosion if our minds meet.

Why would you want to force such an event on me, is beyond me

Unless you want to totally bum me out

She's an attention hog

She butts into my daily greetings

She forces her agenda whether it's wanted or not

Most of the time she's giving me hell

If I knew who she was ,I could properly address her issues

Instead of this inappropriate game I play with my acquaintances

I don't want to be messed with

I don't want to be badgered into being your patsy

Your a rough handler and I would resist your will strenuously

That's why I don't drink

So I won't be around turkeys like you

If I publicly out her

She would make an awkward stink

Its the kind of extortion she uses

Why would I want to out her?

To let people know what a fraud she is

And I'm not playing along

I find her most effective weapon is her ability to make you doubt yourself

She even can make you forget what your standing up for

It's only a temporary effect ,but you'll have to regroup your thoughts for a while

Could it be I was the devil to be?

Have I diverted  the mayhem

Buy being steadfast against the force

I think your only way out of this mess

Is the honest way out

Instead of trying to make me look like the aggressor

Try owing up to what you did

Issuer of the alluring eyes

I know for sure you don't know your affects

I enjoy the eye candy, knowing that I must restrain my response

I could easily make a fool of myself, probably embarrassing you

It's entirely my problem, and I know it.

I'm actually enjoying the element of danger you bring

I'm beginning to think the universe is more like a Seinfeld Episode 

A show about nothing, just what ever comes up

But this is to script

Maybe more like a improv

With maybe a theme to stick to

But that's an idle evening

Mornings have agenda and I seem to hate that

Maybe I'm counter to the agenda.

I think I need a job I like for once

I can't see the future

Just patterns that have repeated for eons

Mr., non involvement

I don't want to be involved in things that don't go any where

And I certainly don't want involvement in pursuits where I'll never win.

I don't seem to have a lot to offer in time and investment to idle things such as gambling or watching reality shows for instance

I invest time in things as computer problems, and rants on my web site because there is an element of control

I don't want to be taken for a ride, that's why I don't like roller coasters

I know where your meanness is coming from

It is with a lot of force and from nasty places

I'm sure you not aware of its affect on others

I have to be careful and not get to exposed

Or I'll be encumbered with self righteous feelings of a martyr

I want to remind you

She's perverts of reality

A concealer of truth

Under the guise of a teacher

I'd like to assist you

But she has her force shield around you

My ears go deaf when you speak

She's likes full control, that why she doesn't like me

She knows I'd say she's the problem

And things are not going to get better as long as she is in control

Opportunistic!

Stalin was the wolf that coup the Soviet Union after the Bolshevik Revolution

A staff infection is opportunistic

A bucket of shit is opportunity ,for maggots

What am I saying?

Keep your head on straight

Yes, its a phenomenon

But it needs power of exaggerated perception

It's really a squeaker

But vainly wants to seem to be more meaningful and powerful than it really is

It wants our excited minds to blow it up to mythical proportions

 

 

Like I said before

You knew no boundaries, and felt very entitled

But you show as a very rough bully ,now

Your charm is gone

 

 

 

Me ,Threatening?

 

I was riding the angry horse all the time.

And not vice versa

I haven't raised an angry hand ,or voice

So I pat myself on the back

Because it wasn't easy

 

I'm not sharing my inner self with predators

I do not want to be in with them

In any capacity or role

You know I'm not given much credit

I see the writing on the wall

Your cryptic messages are a ploy to prolong agony

I think we all see through you

Your not so much a mystery but a bore as far as I'm concerned

Could it be that I'm not my own man when I see you

Maybe I suffer his jealously of your sensuality

Maybe I suffer his insecurity, while you cavort your way through the aisles

Maybe I'm disgusted with the whole scenario

If I wanted to watch soaps, then I'd stay home

I'd be dammed either way

So why have it on record that I complied?

If then I'm stationed to be a lesser, then at least an objector

Their relentless hounds

With the foul taste of my latest rebuttal

They seek to entrap me in humiliation at least

Its like I'm setting off their traps

One by one, some I'm sure are for me exclusively

It's like I'm dammed to these encounters forever

My curse is being too cagy.

 But what if I let them trap me?

But alas my sense of self worth won't let me

Gees give me a break

Why are you type casting me as such a knuckle dragger?

Ya ; I'm a regular guy

But I like to think I'm my own man

You try to squeeze play me out after a sleepless night of your torture

Can't you do your own dirty deeds?

If I were to type cast you, I'd call you, "Uncle Pervy"

Well ,What could BBB mean?

I'll call it a big beautiful barbeque

Might as well make the notion an obtainable good

Rather than a vain dive into smut land. LOL

She's trying to make us go crazy on our own desires.

If you remember waking up to 333 or 444 or so on your digital clock often

It's because you don't remember waking up to 156 or 357 on much more numerous occasions

What an I saying, don't let her drive you crazy with numbers, coincidences and other mind games