Frustrating years of knowledge in unrelenting stupidity

It's like wasted years of the shanghaied

To witness years of bad cycles

Human folly would be the norm over the exception of wisdom

To suffer unbelievable cruelty of the mind

My only task was not to translate this into my actions

To me ,it was a horrendous job

    Like a lot of today's peoples, I have a short attention span. So I tend to cater toward getting the message in a few lines   

LAST UPDATED

August 20, 2010 05:47 PM

I've been alone so long I don't know what lonely is

So says the cowboy within

But I'm not fixed on any thing

What ever the day brings

She leaks all over the place

Your on to her but you can't stop her

She's in the medias it seems

She gets in your head

So keep it straight

Or she'll enflame you with her madness

I think you nailed me on the head

You suggest that I'm a little obsessive compulsive about my non-conformity

Your so right, I'd buy you a drink

If I wasn't so wise to her tricks

I'd probably fall into her trap

And I would be taught a lesson

Then would the spell be done?

But maybe I error on the cautious side

Haven't had much fun lately

Maybe I'm a little gun shy

But no wonder, with the likes of her in my memory

You can't force forgiveness by arm twisting

I think you'd have to set me free first

Before you get a heart felt responce from me

My philosophy is to live and let live

I don't want to sway by incantation or spell casting

And I don't like being messed with that way either

I like who I am and don't want to pretend I'm some kind of Casanova

I want to be natural, and have my feet on the ground

If you think I'm no fun , then find another fool

It was a topsey tuvy place to work

The convicted social paths were of a higher pecking order than I was

My extra efforts were not appreciated

I was expected to assume my demeaned position with out question 

I've been feeling better lately

Probably because of better self management

I've  talked of an oppressor, usually female, for quite a while

But now I feel better.

 She seems to be evaporating

Real or just perceived I feel more natural and able to trust and enjoy my female counterparts

Hopefully that's the end of the nightmare

She expects me to be respecting of her thoughts and feelings

But she doesn't respect mine

Of course she's going to misinterpret me

She's always under the influence

If we were to do a mind melt, there would be a nuclear explosion!

I don't want to believe

All I've experienced so far are lies and broken dreams

I'm a little to advanced to believe in the promise of a Camelot like adventure

I'm just to reality based to believe such things

My expectations are very modest and I don't want my mind to be poisoned with such distortions

Her ways on the surface look Avant-garde

But I think underlying is ancient manipulation

I hate to sound cynical but I think her feminist rhetoric is just that

I think she hooks for the man 

I don't feel I need to worship you

I guess I'm no fun to the likes of you

I'm a low key guy, and want to be accepted as I am

I just don't rise to your spirit of airs

When I was young I thought these struggles were about love and nature

But now I know it's just a god dam power struggle, one is as bad as the other ,and I'm the political football

You know If I could command all that I have to offer I'd probably go for it

But I seem to be held back by another power

What made them think I'd play along

And they must have known I'd probably fail at it any ways

I think they just want to make me my own worst enemy

A social pariah ,alienated

I won't do your will

Even if its getting the girl

I want to win on my own merit

That's the me reason I resist your will

There are many more good reason to defy you

As long as you revel in and quaff the poison, I'll never trust you

Yes I have limitations

But I should never give up

I think what I strive for is very obtainable

If I manage my disabilities with a realistic attitude

Why would I want to endure the dangers of going under the volcano?

I'd have nothing to gain, but hardship, and torment

It's so idiotic to anecdote the poison while drinking more poision

Of course evil can be done unwittingly

Like the transmission of a virus

Or offer of firewater

She's trying to confuse me

There's a difference from being mentally ill, and evil doing

Evil doing is deliberate perpetration of an evil act

Compulsion is internally initiated as I believe

But it gets into the shadowy world of beliefs

And that's another can of worms she plays with 

That why I won't give her the time of day

She try's to corrupt reality itself

I embarrass you because you don't understand me

You don't pick up on my subtleties

You seem to think I'm incoherent

All I know ,you just can't win

When your labelled a devil dog

You could be smooth as glass , but thats odd of you

If your having a rough day, then there you go

If your witty, then your inappropriately angry

If your being smart, then that's just unbecoming of you

If your being kind, then your sneaky

If you rock , then you have rocks in your head

I could go on forever, buts that's probably weirdin  you out

Are you an unhappy wheelchair bound spell caster?

Its just that the hate seems to be directed towards my well being

Or am I just crazy for asking such a question?

She says she's concerned for my welfare

I think the only result of her interference is welfare

I'm not going to let her make me take a flying leap at a so called romantic image

I wasn't born yesterday, and really, I'm to wise for these stupid ideas

By nature I was always drawn to the wholesome nurturing  type

But it seems less wholesome and more dangerous types seem to try to lay claim to me

I guess in its self that's normal dynamics for a man to encounter

But it seems to get a little crazy for me and I must not let the force get into my thought processes

Look, if I embarrass you, then why do you want my presence?

If you want to earn charity points, try AA

You seem to think because your considered physically attractive you can get away with any thing

I really don't want to understand why your so mean

It's probably a bad idea to let you have my ear

I see a pattern and it raises a red flag to me 

Again ,the undying cold misery

How could you think it attracts?

It may lay claim to guilt tripping

But it can not sustain life

Unless you want me to be there with you

I find that very revolting

I don't want to take the blame for what others done to you

I feel I don't deserve that

Why don't I say something positive for the good people out there

I know there are good ones pulling for me

And I don't want to fatigue them with my negativity

That's the danger when your embattled

You risk driving the desirables away too

Your like a drunkin con artist

You'll tell me what you think I might want to hear

I don't want such distraction

In fact, I know your whisperings in my ear lead to traps

Why are they trying to make such a useless slob out of me?

If feelings are not to be reciprocated , then why be forced to pine away uselessly?

I think the sweet host has a head ache

And I think she's saying, "Oh, you’re a mean old daddy, but I like you "

You can't negotiate with a manipulator

It's like trying to swim in quick sand

I want no part of her

I don't want to be in her clutches

I don't care how nice the sweet host is

Lesson Learned

I was needed in that pool hall

I over estimated my importance in that place

I was just needed to feed the sharks

Why are you trying to give me the dithers?

I know my rights

I can stand up tp the BS

I won't melt down

You know I think the dogged determination is masculine based

I doubt femine forces are so dogmatic

It puts on a female face, but I think thats deception

Why are you trying to make such a futile man out of me

I think I have a good sense of what's doable

I sense your fragility

And I walk on egg shells because of it

Why are you wasting my time and your time

With your anti-morality  lessons

I agrees it pays to be an anti-hero sometimes

But you've been bothering me for years with your stupid teachings

I don't want to empower her motions to act

She want to make a drunkin asshole out of me

If that's not cool by her, then thar she be

It's amazing how it works

How you can have every thing going for you

But a negativity makes you want for more

It almost like it wants you destroy what you have in pursuit of this, probably unobtainable

The negative got defeated

I wasn't feeling very good today

A friend offered to show me her winter garden from a previous promise

 Despite being of a negative mood I took up her offer

Well, talk about being turned around

The kind act along with the pleasant environment of the garden dissolved that demon in my thought processes

I was a little too involved with my thought processes to properly express my thankfulness

So thanks, kind one, you did good

I afraid to have close ones because I think they will be victimized by this thing too.

The poison that afflicts me is probably administered to friends because they are my friends

She's setting me up for a shaming

First there has to be a sparky girl

She'll allure me

I'll respond and make a fool of my self

Then I'll get a shaming from the ball and chain

And I'll be shit faced and humbled

But I don't recognize a ball and chain

So I guess it won't work

She wants me to appear and feel incompetent

So I won't have the nerve to kick up about her incessant control

She's actually spoiling my life so she can hold on to absolute power

You know this dog that tries to rule me

will attack anybody that tries to help me

This dog does has a hold on me

It just can't seem to move me

I'm afraid it will lash out in fustration

She isolates me because of my knowledge of her ways

I say she only because of my assumptions

Sooo....,I've been holding this thing at bay for a long time

So where's my relief?

Will I ever be able to rest easy?

I respect my sisters as equals

But don't worship them as goddesses

Its not the powerless that I distrust

It's the god damn fascist that have power I don't trust 

She doesn't even want me to enjoy a sunny day

She'll make it creepy

She wants me to be miserable with

Not to mention her soul sucking guilt

Unbelievable!

I don't want to be playing those mind games forever

So I won't be taking the bait as enticing as it is

It's not that I don't like playing games with Femme fatales,

It's the underlying maliciousness I want to avoid

At the risk of sounding self righteous

I don't want to enable bad behavior

I don't want to reward bad treatment

I would help you with a hand up or encouragement

I've been the recipient of such help many times.

So I do know what it's like

Look ,if I'm misinterpreting your bizarre and intrusive messaging

Try hard copy, or yourself as a personal representation

I don't have a lot to go on

If you jumped of a cliff, should I ensue?

If you left me alone about it,

I wouldn't be sounding off like a self righteous son of a bitch

No matter how much you torture me with sleep deprivation

You won't force any actions out of me

Your just plain disgusting and what you want is demeaning to me or any other participant

Your hell bent on degrading me as if I'm some kind of a challenge

I think your jealous of me and my free wheeling ways

I have a clear conscious and that bothers you

Complicated thought processes

What do I have to regret?

I can't go back in time

Should have I shown the sign?

I bet she didn't even look to miss it

Should have I taken that chance?

One less failure to chalk up

Should have I fought harder to right that wrong?

Maybe it wasn't such a wrong to need to right

You know ,I think I'm going Buddhist

I guess that better than being a convict

What I really resent is being turned off and hid in the corner like a decommissioned robot

And they wonder why I revolt

They think I'm a rogue

I think I'm me

So you want me to go for the girl

Why do you have to make such a flake out of me?

Why aren't I allowed to stand on my two feet and use some of my stuff?

Why do I have to be franchised to use your guile?.

Why does it have to be your way or the highway?

You won't get near enough to feel the warmth of forgiveness

I still don't trust you

You don't want to reconcile with me

You want to avenge me

Your still sore about my rejection of your agenda

You seem to think you know my nature

You seem to think you have it figured out

I see through your lies in my ear

You can't tempt me into any thing

It not that I'm not corruptible

But I was always on to you

And you attempts to move me is a mind numbing bore

I don't think she has any use for a live one

I think she wants to scare ,kill, and cook one

It's not that I mind being alone

But I don't want to be stuck alone with her

She does her best to isolate me

I think she wants me to stew in my juices with drug dependencies

Dare I say she doesn't want to best for me

I don't want to sound desperate, but I don't want to co habituate her desperation

She's a force of nature and she messes with mine

She can cause attraction and repulsion in one sentence

She seems to be quick like a demon ,if you get my drift

I compensate for the misery she causes me by being witty

I must confess that I don't like her interference in my life at all

But the worlds a stage and as she manipulates my chances for social acceptance

I must put on a brave face, because it seems to be what the audience wants

Sweet hosts

These are all very fine women

I suppose if I was a con artist I'd be trying to take advantage

Not that these these women aren't able to to take care of them selves

I guess I'd look like a real cad trying. LOL

It's a stand off

I won't go under your roof and have to be subject to your conditions

You won't come here because I'm a lose canon you can't control

I suspect this will go on for a long time as long as you enable her

She calls for only one reason

She wants to spin a web

To entrap me and unsuspecting sweet host

She wants to channel through this host a nasty message

She wants implied that I'm a small man

And man does she want that to hurt!

I'd be willing to go on this date of fate

If I was allowed to stand on my two feet while she administers the punishment

But she's such a control freak ,she wants me totally under her spell

She won't proceed till I'm emotionally setup for her spell with the help of drunkenness

So she waits hoping for me to get desperate  I guess

I'm truly under siege

Your stance is Goddess

Your talk is like Tokyo Rose

You prophesies like a demon

I hope there isn't a man behind all that talent

I want to wish every one a Merry Christmas

Despite all the paranoia and underling suspicions

I guess these's are uneasy times with international threats in the news

I guess that fact makes it all the more important to get along with neighbors

  I don't want my mind interfaced with ,I presume a drug addicts'

I'm spaced out as it is.

It makes life harder with this soul sucking influence

It's forever ,forever tunes playing on the radio

Non stop self loathing ,and pity

I want the chance to reward myself for my perseverance

Road Kill again?

It seems like every time I get optimistic

And I dare raise my head in this preverbal no-mans land

I get lambasted by you

Don't you get it

I'm the designated dirty dog

All I got to do is stay sober

And pretend this sham is not happening

No doubt I'll be punished for my balking the ball

Why do you bluff?

You play the temptress, but your bluffing

Are you testing your powers?

I publicly call your posture from time to time

It's like baying at the moon, isn't it?

Beware of the overlooked

Never know what the hidden mole will bring

Just what are they feeding us, and what are the consequences?

Should I watch the news to-night or should I scan the internet for hidden meaning?

I probably should firewall my mental health instead

Its not that I want to be ignorant, but if I'm being poisoned buy misinformation

Would a dose of the truth be easier to ingest?

Not sure if I can find the truth, but I can tell the smell of BS

Wouldn't it be nice if I was at least ten years younger

It would be wonderful if had made my fortune

Any ways what ifs are what I have to offer

I won't say never ,but its a long shot I'm a bit short of

Obviously we don't meet at the minds

That's why the idea of a mind melt between us seems like an absurd idea to me

I suspect there would be a nuclear explosion if our minds meet.

Why would you want to force such an event on me, is beyond me

Unless you want to totally bum me out

She's an attention hog

She butts into my daily greetings

She forces her agenda whether it's wanted or not

Most of the time she's giving me hell

If I knew who she was ,I could properly address her issues

Instead of this inappropriate game I play with my acquaintances

I don't want to be messed with

I don't want to be badgered into being your patsy

Your a rough handler and I would resist your will strenuously

That's why I don't drink

So I won't be around turkeys like you

If I publicly out her

She would make an awkward stink

Its the kind of extortion she uses

Why would I want to out her?

To let people know what a fraud she is

And I'm not playing along

I find her most effective weapon is her ability to make you doubt yourself

She even can make you forget what your standing up for

It's only a temporary effect ,but you'll have to regroup your thoughts for a while

Could it be I was the devil to be?

Have I diverted  the mayhem

Buy being steadfast against the force

I think your only way out of this mess

Is the honest way out

Instead of trying to make me look like the aggressor

Try owing up to what you did

Issuer of the alluring eyes

I know for sure you don't know your affects

I enjoy the eye candy, knowing that I must restrain my response

I could easily make a fool of myself, probably embarrassing you

It's entirely my problem, and I know it.

I'm actually enjoying the element of danger you bring

I'm beginning to think the universe is more like a Seinfeld Episode 

A show about nothing, just what ever comes up

But this is to script

Maybe more like a improv

With maybe a theme to stick to

But that's an idle evening

Mornings have agenda and I seem to hate that

Maybe I'm counter to the agenda.

I think I need a job I like for once

I can't see the future

Just patterns that have repeated for eons

Mr., non involvement

I don't want to be involved in things that don't go any where

And I certainly don't want involvement in pursuits where I'll never win.

I don't seem to have a lot to offer in time and investment to idle things such as gambling or watching reality shows for instance

I invest time in things as computer problems, and rants on my web site because there is an element of control

I don't want to be taken for a ride, that's why I don't like roller coasters

I know where your meanness is coming from

It is with a lot of force and from nasty places

I'm sure you not aware of its affect on others

I have to be careful and not get to exposed

Or I'll be encumbered with self righteous feelings of a martyr

I want to remind you

She's perverts of reality

A concealer of truth

Under the guise of a teacher

I'd like to assist you

But she has her force shield around you

My ears go deaf when you speak

She's likes full control, that why she doesn't like me

She knows I'd say she's the problem

And things are not going to get better as long as she is in control

Opportunistic!

Stalin was the wolf that coup the Soviet Union after the Bolshevik Revolution

A staff infection is opportunistic

A bucket of shit is opportunity ,for maggots

What am I saying?

Keep your head on straight

Yes, its a phenomenon

But it needs power of exaggerated perception

It's really a squeaker

But vainly wants to seem to be more meaningful and powerful than it really is

It wants our excited minds to blow it up to mythical proportions

 

 

Like I said before

You knew no boundaries, and felt very entitled

But you show as a very rough bully ,now

Your charm is gone

 

 

 

Me ,Threatening?

 

I was riding the angry horse all the time.

And not vice versa

I haven't raised an angry hand ,or voice

So I pat myself on the back

Because it wasn't easy

 

I'm not sharing my inner self with predators

I do not want to be in with them

In any capacity or role

You know I'm not given much credit

I see the writing on the wall

Your cryptic messages are a ploy to prolong agony

I think we all see through you

Your not so much a mystery but a bore as far as I'm concerned

Could it be that I'm not my own man when I see you

Maybe I suffer his jealously of your sensuality

Maybe I suffer his insecurity, while you cavort your way through the aisles

Maybe I'm disgusted with the whole scenario

If I wanted to watch soaps, then I'd stay home

I'd be dammed either way

So why have it on record that I complied?

If then I'm stationed to be a lesser, then at least an objector

Their relentless hounds

With the foul taste of my latest rebuttal

They seek to entrap me in humiliation at least

Its like I'm setting off their traps

One by one, some I'm sure are for me exclusively

It's like I'm dammed to these encounters forever

My curse is being too cagy.

 But what if I let them trap me?

But alas my sense of self worth won't let me

Gees give me a break

Why are you type casting me as such a knuckle dragger?

Ya ; I'm a regular guy

But I like to think I'm my own man

You try to squeeze play me out after a sleepless night of your torture

Can't you do your own dirty deeds?

If I were to type cast you, I'd call you, "Uncle Pervy"

Well ,What could BBB mean?

I'll call it a big beautiful barbeque

Might as well make the notion an obtainable good

Rather than a vain dive into smut land. LOL

She's trying to make us go crazy on our own desires.

If you remember waking up to 333 or 444 or so on your digital clock often

It's because you don't remember waking up to 156 or 357 on much more numerous occasions

What an I saying, don't let her drive you crazy with numbers, coincidences and other mind games